These are the edits I made to my poem after workshopping it in creative writing class, and meeting with Sophia. The first verse will be what goes into the painting I'm working on. Thanks for any comments!
[NEED A TITLE]
Through hair tangled and tired
A maid pours wishful whiskey
Envying the man in the dress
Full of the weary warmth
Of his babies and white fence
A dull copper bar flows between
The runaway barmaid
And the pretty man with his kind wife
Who, with matching patience and hairstyles
Shyly watch the demons from the bank
Gravity lures dimming stars to a fold in the river
Where Hell breathes his metallic liquor
Knitting new law from sharpened nightmare
To swallow nature in a sack
And dress the meadow in pink
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